He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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