she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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