The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
