he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
