you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well I just put wine in my tea
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
