I hate your face
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
