Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
