Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
