none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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