first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
