He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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