I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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