Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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