In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize