I cockslap morals
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
