just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
