I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
