I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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