is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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