happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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