I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
