you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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