Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Text me some of your sweat
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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