just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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