If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
