like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
