i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
