its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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