omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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