I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
