Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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