do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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