Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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