STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
