he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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