I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
