Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
