btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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