Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
