all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
