You were right. It hurts to walk today.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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