a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
