I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
