Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
