why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
