Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
