Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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