I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
