and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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