his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
