Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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