You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
