Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
