VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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