also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
